Because it turns out that the most valued part of personal photos are the people within them. In most homes, what you see hung on the walls or lining the mantels aren’t snapshots of beautiful landscapes or artsy scenes but rather faces - family portraits, weddings and graduations, memories of happy afternoons spent with loved ones.

One of the worst part of being in the Pit is the double whammy of struggling with something and worrying about the fact that you’re struggling with it. Why is this even hard for me? Your inner critic might wail. If I were smarter or braver or more talented, I’d be fine. By feeling guilty about the way you feel, you’re creating even more stress for yourself.

Recognize that everyone in the world goes through hard times, and give yourself permission to worry. Don’t pay the double tax on your mental load. I’ve found two tactics that help: the first is to conjuring up a public figure you admire, and realize that they struggled too. It’s a good reminder that being in the Pit is universal.

The second is to admit that you’re feeling bad. I’ll take out a Postit note and write, “I’m super stressed out about X.” That little act shifts my mindset from worrying about my worries to simply declaring them. Once I do that, I can start to make progress on addressing the root cause.

Repeat after me: “The story I have in my head is probably irrational”

The perspective you have changes everything. With a fixed mindset, your actions are governed by fear - fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of being found out as an imposter. With a growth mindset, you’re motivated to seek out the truth and ask for feedback because you know it’s the fastest path to get you where you want to go.

There is one quality that sets truly great managers apart from the rest: they discover what is unique about each person and then capitalize on it. The job of a manager is to turn one person’s particular talent into performance.

If you take nothing else away from today, remember this: managing is caring. If you don’t truly respect or care about your report, there is no faking it. Trust me, they know. None of us are such brilliant actors that we can control the thousands of tiny signals we are subconsciously sending through our body language. If you don’t believe in your heart of hearts that someone can succeed, it will be impossible for you to convey your strong belief in them.

What makes a good leader is that they eschew the spotlight in favor of spending time and energy to do what they need to do to support and protect their people. In return, we offer our blood and sweat and tears and do everything we can to see our leader’s vision come to life.

This is the crux of management: it is the belief that a team of people can achieve more than a single person going it alone. It is the realization that you don’t have to do everything yourself, be the best at everything yourself, or even know how to do everything yourself.

Your job, as a manager, is to get better outcomes from a group of people working together.

Manager is a specific role. Leadership, on the other hand, is the particular skill of being able to guide and influence other people.

One-one-ones should be focused on your report and what would help him be more successful, not on you and what you need. If you’re looking for a status update, use another channel. Rare 1:1 face time is better spent on topics that are harder to discuss in a group or over email.

The ideal 1:1 leaves your report feeling that it was useful for her. If she thinks that the conversation was pleasant but largely unmemorable, then you can do better.

Don’t presume you know what the problem or is. Too often, attempts to “help” aren’t actually helpful, even when served with the best of intentions. We all remember lectures that went in one ear and out the other because it was obvious the other party didn’t understand our real problem, or when unasked-for “help” feels indistinguishable from micromanaging or meddling.

Your job as a manager isn’t to dole out advice or “save the day” — it’s to empower your report to find the answer herself. She has more context than you on the problems she’s dealing with, so she’s in the best posit to uncover the solution. Let her lead the 1:1 while you listen and probe.

Your feedback only counts if it makes things better.

The answer is predictably boring. I practiced and got better. There were years of stammering awkwardly in front of my team during weekly meetings. There were panels and talks I’d sign up to do even though I knew I’d dread it the night before.

A great decision-making meeting does the following:

  • Get the decision made.
  • Includes the people most directly affected by the decision as well as a clearly designed decision-maker.
  • Present all credible options objectives and with relevant background information, and includes the team’s recommendation if there’s one.
  • Give equal airtime to dissenting opinions and makes people feel that they were heard.

But to be honest, I don’t get the sense that I’m hearing all of your top concerns. So I want to say this upfront: Hard questions are good. Get them off your chest. I promise to be as transparent as I can.

Hiring doesn’t just matter at scale — even a single great hire can make a big difference in your team’s outcomes.

The most important thing to remember about hiring is this: hiring is not a problem to be solved but an opportunity to build the future of your organization.

Plans are worthless, but planning is everything.