One girl about 13 years old raised her hand, and I called on her. “Are you ever afraid?” she asked. “I am afraid everyday,” she continued. “I am afraid to fail.” How brave she was to ask that question in public in a very structured Japanese high school.
Yes, I told her, I’m afraid of something every day, and I fail at something every day. Fear and failure are always present. Accept them as a part of life and learn how to manage these realities. Be scared, but keep going. Being scared is usually transient. It will pass. If you fail, fix the causes and keep going.
The room was deadly silent. Every one of the young high achievers had the same question before their mind, even if they were too scared to put voice to it.
Failure is often solitary. Not so success. I am reminded of Michael Phelps, the swimmer who won a record eight gold medals at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. His physical ability and determination in the loneliness of a swimming lane are legendary. Yet he never fails to give credit to his parents, his coaches, his trainer, his team members, and all the others who helped him overcome attention deficit disorder and many other obstacles.
As successes come your way, remember that you didn’t do it alone. It is always we.
I have a deeper reason for not answering. No matter how significant or life-changing your greatest hit or miss might be, neither even begins to define all of who you are. Each of us is a product of all our experiences and all our interactions with other people. To cite calculus, we are the area under the curve.
Of all manifestations of power, restraint impresses men most.
No matter what your job, you are there to serve. It makes no difference if it is government, military, business, or any other endeavor. Go in with a commitment to selfless service, never selfish service. And cheerfully and with gratitude take your gold watch and plaque, get off the train before somebody throws you off, go sit in the shade with a drink, and take a look at the other tracks and the other trains out there. Spend a moment watching the old train disappear, then start a new journey on a new train.
We had a lot going on in those days, with lots of meetings. We had to keep the trains moving on time. Meetings needed a tight structure.
An agenda was always set and briefing papers provided to each attendee well in advance. If you haven’t had time to read the paper, send someone who has. Don’t waste our time.
I am pretty good at knowing and analyzing my strengths and weaknesses; but I keep the latter private. Though I never share these with anyone, my family and friends are quite willing to tell me what they are in detail. Self-examination is tough and worse when your friends and family join in. I am so glad that 360-degree evaluations came into vogue long after I stopped being evaluated. During the process, your ego is vulnerable, your self-respect challenged, your decisions questioned, and your fallibility made manifest. Still, such examination is essential to improving yourself, getting in better touch with the people in your life, facing your demons, and moving on. Looking deeply into a mirror and seeing an accurate reflection is therapeutic and healthy.
We will never do this again. We will never throw our soldiers into a competition or into a battle, any battle, without preparing them and taking the necessary time to get them ready to win. That’s what leaders do; we prepare our troops.
Soldiers given a task they haven’t been prepared for lose confidence in themselves and, fatally, in their leaders.
I do love oral arguments and presentations. Sharp, well-organized briefings are good. But writing trumps oral. A well-written analysis of an issue, listing the alternatives and the opposing points of view, distributed and studied in advance, makes for a more productive meeting. In the quiet solitude of my home or office, I can find inconsistencies and weaknesses or strengths. I am then ready to hear the oral arguments, sufficiently armed not to be influenced solely by the performance skill of the protagonists.
Time management is an essential feature of decision-making. One of the first questions a commander considers when faced with a mission on the battlefield is “How much time do I have before I execute?” Take a third of that time to analyze and decide. Leave two-thirds of the time for subordinates to do their analysis and make their plans. Use all the time you have. Don’t make a snap decision. Think about it, do your analysis, let you staff do their analysis. Gather all the information you can. When you enter the range of 40 to 70 percent of all available information, think about making your decision. Above all, never wait too long, never run out of time.
In the Army we had an expression, OBE - overtaken by events. In bureaucratic terms being OBE is a felonious offense. You blew it. If you took too much time to study the issue, to staff it, or to think about it, you became OBE. The issue has moved on or an autopilot decision has been made. No one cares what you think anymore - the train has left the stations.
My wife, Alma, is aware that good fences make good marriages. She runs the house, me, and the kids. I run the office. She never gets involved in policy, personalities, gossip, or anything else at the office. She never forgot what General Bernie Rogers, Army Chief of Staff, told us when I went through charm school before being promoted to brigadier general: “Over the next couple of years, I’ll have to bounce several of you out because your wives will start acting like they are generals. I know you don’t believe me now, but just watch.” He was right. Alma is smart as the devil and always knows what’s going on, but we always preserved that strict boundary at the threshold of our home. She knows when she call the office that I may not take the call right away.
With respect to the press, remember,
- They get to pick the question. You get to pick the answer.
- You don’t have to answer any question you don’t want to.
- Never lie or dissemble, of course; but beware of being too candid or open.
- Never answer hypothetical questions about the future.
- Never reveal the private advice you have given your superiors.
- Answers should be directed to the message you want readers/viewers to get. The interviewers are not your audience.
- They’re doing their job. You’re doing yours. But you’re the only one at risk.
- Don’t predict or speculate about future events.
- Beware slang or one-liners unless you are consciously trying to produce a sound bite.
- Don’t wash dirty linen.
- Do not answer any question containing a premise you disagree with.
- Don’t push yourself or be pushed into an answer you don’t want to give.
- If trapped, be vague and mumble.
- Never cough or shift your feet.
- When there are second follow-up questions, you’re in trouble - break right, apply power, gain altitude, or eject.
As the years passed, I leaned a couple of other lessons:
- Thirty minutes is long enough for any interview. Any longer and you start to step on your own lines.
- I never gave on-the-record interviews at a meal. You get too relaxed and think you are just hanging around with good friends.
- Never shift in your chair, grab your ear, or touch your face. It’s a signal that you have been caught.
- Never pause to think of what to say. Start talking while you are thinking. You can always just repeat the question.
During the half minute that was left, I thought I gave a rather good account of myself and why I could be trusted. After the show, I remarked to Sam that I thought I had gotten the best of that exchange. I won!
Sam smiled at my naivete. “General,” he said, “when you are with the press, you are the only one at risk. I can never lose.” I never forgot that.
And he added, “Never smirk at us when you think you’re ahead.”
And never let them see you sweat.
Whenever I appeared before the press, I had come to realize that I was talking to multiple audiences and had to satisfy all of them.
- The reporter asking the question. The reporter is the least important audience. Always remember, you are not talking to the reporter, but through the reporter to the people out there watching and listening. That said, be respectful of the reporter. In an interview situation, there is no such thing as a dumb question. Putting down a reporter makes you look like a bully.
- The American people who are watching and listening. They want information, especially if their children and loved ones are engaged in the battle. They want to have conveyed to them a sense of confidence and assuredness that their leaders know what they’re doing. They expect and deserve honesty. Included in this audience are our political and government leaders. Even if they are in Washington, most of them are hearing this for the first time.
- Political and military leaders in more than 190 foreign capitals. Every one will have to comment and explain to their own people what you have said; in Dessert Storm many of them had their own troops in the battle under the US command. That means that you are not just talking to foreign leaders, but to their fellow citizens and their families.
- The enemy, who is watching and listening carefully. You don’t want to give him anything he can use against you. You need to be an expert at sliding away from questions like “Is it true we don’t have enough fuel to launch the operation?” … “Is it true that you are able to listen to Iraqi secure radio communications?” Some of our necessarily vague responses terribly disappointed reporters.
- Finally, the troops. They have access to radio, TV, print media and now the Internet. You are talking about their lives. You never try to spin this audience. First, it won’t work. Second, they are counting on you. They trust you, and you must never violate that trust.
You should make a thorough analysis of each audience you will be addressing. Be sure you are always talking through the questioner or the interviewer to the audiences who really matter.
- Tell me what you know
- Tell me what you don’t know
- Then tell me what you think
- Always distinguish which from which
A leader needs to know this followers, and he must be competent; but he is also an individual; he needs to preserve a zone of privacy, a place for himself that his followers can’t enter. They need to be kept at a distance. There’s an old expression attributed to Aesop: “Familiarity breeds contempt.” It might be better said that too much familiarity brings everyone down to the same level. The leaders is with the troops, but above them. He should always maintain an aura of unpredictable mystery.
Though every leader wants their followers to like him, and followers want to like their leader, liking is not necessary. It helps the organization run more smoothly. But if respect is lacking, the organization will probably run badly. Liking has to come from respect, not from the leader trying to be a nice guy or a buddy to the followers. They don’t need you to be easy on them.
A certain air of separateness is essential. Followers are not your buddies; they are your followers, your subordinates. If you aren’t different from them, if you don’t provide them with what they can’t do for themselves, then they don’t need you.
What moved me the most was his saying, “We’re not going to let them down.” As a leader, you will never receive a better compliment from your followers. You will never have a better report card showing how you are doing. You’ve created a winning team. A team that rests on a solid foundation of mutual trust and respect. They will never let you down as long as you never let them down. The troops will always get it done and take care of you. Make sure that every hour of the day you are taking care of them.
Respect for leaders by followers can’t be mandated; it must be earned. It has to be given to leaders by their followers.
You gain their respect by knowing and respecting them and through your own competence and personal example. Yet leaders must maintain a certain distance; they can’t get too close. Followers want leaders who are selfless, not selfish. They want leaders who have moral and physical courage, who always do the right thing, and will risk their careers in so doing. They want leaders who are tough but fair, and never abusive. Leaders who not only are role models, but also inspire followers to be their own role models.
When such an environment exists in an organization, it hums, and you can feel it. The followers will take care of you can will see to it that you and the organization succeed. They will internalize that passion to succeed.
Another attribute necessary to gain respect is competence. If you don’t know your job and can’t do it well, there is no reason why followers should respect you. I am sure that just as I was writing a page about each of my soldiers, they were all in their own way writing their own page in their mental notebook about me. Does the lieutenant look sharp? Can he keep up with us at PT? Can he shoot a rifle or drive a tank almost as well as we do? Does he take care of us? Does he listen to our problems? Does he ever try to con us? Is he tough or soft? Does he trash talk his boss or other lieutenants? Does he protect us? Does he accept blame and share credit? Do we like him?
Judgements like these are based on more than performance. Leaders and bosses see qualities that separate some few from the crowd. What do they see?
For starters, they see consistently outstanding prior performance in different positions.
They see someone learning and growing intellectually, someone preparing for the next level, not just maxing out in his current job; someone who is ambitious, but not cutthroat.
They see someone tested by assignments and challenges generally given to people with more seniority and greater experience, thus indicating early that he can probably perform well not only at that higher level, but at levels above that one.
They see someone reaching outside his comfort zone to acquire skills and knowledge that are not now essential, but are useful at a higher level.
They see someone who has demonstrated strength of character, moral and physical courage, integrity, and selflessness, and who will carry those virtues to the next level.
They see someone who is confident about the next step. His ego is under control, and he is mentally prepared for the added responsibilities and burdens of higher office. It won’t go to his head. He is balanced.
They see someone who enjoys the respect and confidence of his contemporaries who may soon become his juniors.
At the top, most of your time is devoted to the external environment: relations with allies, working with international organizations, the White House. Your job is to seek opportunities, identify risks, obtain resources, and serve as the lead spokesman for the needs, aspirations, and purposes of all the services. You will find yourself connected to other pyramids - the intelligence pyramid, the economic pyramid, the budget pyramid.
As I moved up, I always kept in mind the story of the old general sitting at the officers’ club bar staring into his third martini. A brand-new second lieutenant comes in and spots him. He can’t resist sitting next to the general and starting up a conversation. The old gentleman patiently listens to the kid and courteously answers his questions. After a time the lieutenant gets to what he really wants to know: “How do you make a general?” He asks with raw, unconcealed ambition.
“Well, son,” said the general, “here’s what you do. You work like a dog, you never stop studying, you train your troops hard and take care of them. You are loyal to your commander and your soldiers. You do the best thing you can in every mission, and you love the Army. You are ready to die for the mission and your troops. That’s all you have to do.”
The lieutenant replied with a soft voice, “Wow, and that’s how you make general…”
“Naw, that’s how you make first lieutenant. Just keep repeating it and let ‘em see what you got,” said the general, finishing off his last martini. Then he left.
Problems come with just being alive, and even more come with responsibility. When they come, you just suck it up and get started again. You are never caught up. I’ve lived by the proposition that solving problems is what leaders do. The day you are not solving problems or are not up to your butt in problems is probably a day you are no longer leading. If your desk is clean and no one is bringing you problems, you should be very worried. It means that people don’t think you can solve them or don’t want to hear about them. Or, far worse, it means they don’t think you care. Either way it means your followers have lost confidence in you and you are no longer their leader, no matter what your rank or the title on your door.
At the end of the sermon, the priest looked over the congregation and with a smile on his face quietly concluded: “Always show more kindness than seems necessary, because the person receiving int needs it more than you will ever know.”
The lesson was clear: Don’t just show kindness in passing or to be courteous. Show it in depth, show it with passion, and expect nothing in return. Kindness is not just about being nice; it’s about recognizing another human being who deserves care and respect.
I run that video piece through my mind every few months as a reality check. Here is a man happy in his work, providing an essential service for his community, providing for his family, who love and respect him. Have I been more successful in what is truly important in life than he has been? No, we have been fortunate. He has touched all the important bases in the game of life. When we are ultimately judged, despite my titles and medals, he may have a few points on me, and on a lot of others I know.
At these events, I always emphasize, especially to youngsters, that 99 percent of work can be seen as noble. There are few truly degrading jobs. Every job is a learning experience, and we can develop and grow in every one.
If you take the pay, earn it. Always do your very best. Even when no one else is looking, you always are. Don’t disappoint yourself.
Very often my best didn’t turn out that well. I was neither an athlete nor a standout student. I played baseball, football, stickball, and all the other Bronx sports, and I did my best, but I wasn’t good at any. In school I was hardworking and dedicated, but never produced superior grades or matched the academic successes of my many high-achieving cousins. Yet my parents didn’t pester me or put too much pressure on me. Their attitude was “Do your best - we’ll accept your best, but nothing less.”
These experiences established a pattern for all the years and careers that came afterward. Always do your best, no matter how difficult the job, or how much you dislike it, your bosses, the work environment, or your fellow workers. As the old expression goes, if you take the king’s coin, you give the king his due.
All my relatives were hard workers. They came out of the common immigrant experience of arriving with nothing, expecting that the new life ahead of them would not be easy.
Fear is a normal human emotion. It is not in itself a killer. We can learn to be aware when fear grips us, and can train to operate through and in spite of our fear. If, on the other hand, we don’t understand that fear is normal and has to be controlled and overcome, it will paralyze us and stop us in our tracks. We will no longer think clearly or analyze rationally. We prepare for it and control it; we never let it control us. If it does, we cannot lead.
Naysayers are everywhere. They feel it’s the safest position to be in. It’s the easiest armor to wear.
Each of us must work to become a hardheaded realist, or else we risk wasting our time and energy pursuing impossible dreams. Yet constant naysayers pursue no less impossible dreams. Their fear and cynicism move nothing forward. They kill progress. How many cynics built empires, great cities, or powerful corporations?
Perpetual optimism, believing in yourself, believing in your purpose, believing you will prevail, and demonstrating passion and confidence is a force multiplier. If you believe and have prepared your followers, the followers will believe.
Calmness protects order, ensures that we consider all the possibilities, restores order when it breaks down, and keeps people from shouting over each other. If the leader loses his head, confidence in him will be lost and the glue that holds the team together will start to give way. So assess the situation, move fast, be decisive, but remain calm and never let them see you sweat.
People need recognition and a sense of worth as much as they need food and water.
Success ultimately rests on small things, lots of small things.
One of my best friends helped me shape my instinct. Over lunch, he listened as I laid out all the offers. He replied simply, “Why would you want to wear someone else’s T-shirt? You are your own brand. Remain free and wear your own T-shirt.”
What drove my final choice was the reality that I did not wake up a single morning wanting to be president or with the fire and passion needed for a successful campaign. I was not a political figure. It was not me. Once I accepted what that instinct was telling me, the choice was clear, the decision easy.
Superior leadership is often a matter of superb instinct. When faced with a tough decision, use the time available to gather information that will inform your instinct. Learn all you can about the situation, your opponent, your assets and liabilities, your strengths and weaknesses, the threats and risks. Select several possible courses of action, then test the information you have gathered against them and analyze one against the other. Often, the factual analysis alone will indicate the right choice. More often, your judgement will be needed to select from the best courses of action. This is the moment when you apply your instinct to smell the right answer. This is where you apply your education, experience, and knowledge of external considerations unfamiliar to your staff. This is when you look deep into your own fears, anxiety, and self-confidence. This is where you earn your pay and position. Your instinct at this point is not a wild guess or a hunch. It is an informed instinct that knows from long experience which facts are the most important and which adverse facts, however adverse, can be set aside. As the saying goes, “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.”
I encouraged all my subordinate commanders and staff to feel free to argue with me. My guidance was simple: “Disagree with me, do it with feeling, try to convince me you are right and I am about to go down the wrong path. You owe that to me; that’s why you are here. But don’t be intimidated when I argue back. A moment will come when I have heard enough and I make a decision. At that every instant, I expect all of you to execute my decision as if it were your idea. Don’t damn the decision with faint praise, don’t mumble under your breath - we now all move out together to get the job done. And don’t argue with me anymore unless you have new information or I realize I goofed and come back to you. Loyalty is disagreeing strongly, and loyalty is executing faithfully. The decision is not about you or your ego; it is about gathering all the information, analyzing it, and trying to get the answer. I still love you, so get mad and get over it.”
My commander, Captain William, observed my behavior. When I hung up, he said to me: “Don’t ever act that way in my presence or anyone’s presence again.” I’ve worked hard over the years to make sure that when I get mad, I get over it quickly and never lose control of myself.
It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.
Lieutenant, you may be starving, but you must never show hunger; you always eat last. You may be freezing or near heat exhaustion, but you must never show that you are cold or hot. You may be terrified, but you must never show fear. You are the leader and the troops will reflect your emotions. They must believe that no matter how bad things look, you can make them better.